On the surface level, you see accomplishments / accolades / doing things I wasn’t supposed to do at my age, and frankly undeserved privileges in many circumstances.
Below the surface, you have unresolved traumas from personal loss, memory issues/shattered glass, a reforming people pleaser, lifelong conflict avoidance, a rebel often forgetting his cause, the effects of past experiences of racism/feelings of inadequacy, lifelong anxiety, and seasonal depression.
Need to make time for a lot of inner work moving forward.
The volume of my work and the depth of my community engagement may have to take a tentative backseat. I was using both as a shield and armour from having to do my own work on myself.
It’s hard to contemplate billing/making when life’s demands on income have correspondingly increased but I need to think on the longevity of the life I want to live and the things I want to accomplish.
It’s hard to put pen to paper, make dreams out of reality when you haven’t truly figured out who you are yet and what you carried with you to this point. I’m doing a much needed inventory check.
Asking kindly for patience while I navigate through learning myself better and preparing for my future roles in life – the most important of which is yet to come. <3